I’m certain I don’t love it here yet.

Not unlike back in dirty jersey, I have been working a lot. This would not surprise people who are closest to me. But really, I did not expect the workload to be so immense. I think once I find a way to balance work and real life, I will enjoy it more here. It doesn’t help though, that I live in faculty dorms and lack a real connection with anyone on campus. Actually, it can be quite isolating. The kind of isolation you would find while in the world's most populous country, not really know a single soul. But, I prepared myself for this. While the isolation can be quite meditative, less demanding, it can also lead one to feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway. (Don’t worry, guys, I won’t start drawing faces on inanimate objects in desperation for deeper human interaction.) I do miss you guys, but I’m really not dwelling on the fact that I am in a foreign country without the people I care about the most. I come from a family of immigrants. I’ll survive and I know it. It just makes me feel a bit insecure at times. So much so, that I’m already feeling like I can’t work abroad for more than these ten months.

This past Saturday, I had come back from a trip (which I will tell you about in a sec!) and was rolling my suitcase back to my apartment when I passed a neighboring family that was just hanging out on my floor, outside of their apartment door. One of their children saw me and blew me a raspberry. It took me by surprise but I found it funny. The kid was so fucking adorable. I didn’t find it funny, however when the child proceeded to follow me, gave my suitcase a furious kick, saying something I did not understand, while his family laughed behind him. It’s not cool for a kid no older than 3 to make you feel like an outcast.

Workload and isolation aside, I should probably tell you about my trip to Xi’an. So many good things to talk about here! Admittedly, it wasn’t my idea to go but I met a really cool fellow social studies teacher at training during my first week in Shanghai, whose total credit this trip goes to. (Fact: most history teachers I meet are pretty badass comrades…most). We had a 3-day weekend and decided to meet in Xi’an in Shaanxi province. The city is one of the oldest cities in China and I wish we had more time to see some of the sites we missed out on. We did, however, get to see the aaamaaziiing and famed Terracotta Warriors as well as the old Xi’an city walls, among a few other historical sites. The highlight, however, was the Great Mosque of Xi’an.

The architecture of the Mosque resembles traditional Chinese buildings, as opposed to classic mosques. The only recognizable feature is the Islamic calligraphy on the walls. I wasn’t even certain it was the mosque until we realized Google maps was off on its location. The Mosque is a calm oasis from the bustle outside its doors and the best part is that it is still in regular use. While Muslims quietly entered to pray Maghrib prayers, some nonMuslims quietly entered to get a glimpse of the devout umma from the plaza within the stunning mosque walls. Despite its long history, it is not a secured and regulated site swelling with tourists, like other tourist sites I have seen. It was refreshing. The Mosque has an undeniable presence and I really wanted to pray there. Unfortunately, like mosques in Pakistan, prayer was limited to men, but I had this warmhearted guide direct me to another mosque just outside its doors. Even there, there were no sisters in sight, but I prayed respectfully behind the men and honestly, it felt like just what I needed. My friends and family know that I have had my fair share of personal experiences that have shaken my faith, but I am slowly figuring out what Islam means to my life. This experience has unquestionably given me (at least within that moment) some clarity.

Because I had such I good time in Xi’an, I am going to commit to venturing out more. I think the isolation out here made me too withdrawn to consider it on my own. I know if I have more of these experiences, instead of working so much, I will find myself loving it here in no time. If I don’t come back with a bunch of travel adventures, I totally give you permission to kick my ass.

I miss you much. You know who you are.