While I don’t think that my first month has flown by, I
still am amazed that that I have been away for over a month now. No major news
but I have been thinking about the impact of my work here a lot lately.
As classes began back in Newark earlier this month, I
thought of my students, especially those that I felt a real connection with and
wondered if they wondered where I was. My plans for China came so last minute
during the summer, that I did not get the chance to tell my students that I
would not be coming back. Realistically, some wouldn’t care. Regardless, and I’m not full of myself when I
say this, but I do know that back in the Bricks, I did mean something. Some
students may never talk to me again after they graduate or even after they took
my class, but there are some students with which there was a genuine
connection. I know this because I felt it. As teachers, we are not allowed
favorites, but there are some special students that you find yourself just investing
more in. They demand the extra attention and frankly, they deserve it. I don’t
know how common this is in a suburban district, but I had students who were so
bright and so curious that I wanted to guide them and give them an outlet for
their experiences, interests, and ideas. I truly wonder if I will be able to
establish that same connection with my students here and I think class plays a
big factor in my uncertainty.
I came to realize class as a major factor as to why I was
not building the same relationships with my students when my school planned a field trip. Due
to the upcoming National Holiday for which we had a week off, the week prior
was an 8-day-straight school week. (It felt so weird to have work on the
weekends!) My headmaster recommended we take the students out one day and asked
for suggestions. I suggested we go to Guangzhou, sight see, go to the park, or play
games. I thought it would be a much-needed break for them to relax and be
normal teenagers. (My students’ weekly routines are so scheduled; I suffocate
just imagining if I was in their place!) Alas, the school headmaster decided
instead on a golf outing. She figured me and my coworker are foreigners and
could teach them a bit about foreign sports. Mind you, I have never been on a
real golf course before. Didn’t they know that there are many sports played in
the US of which golf isn’t one of the more popular ones? Of course not. In the
States, You only play golf if you have access and that access is hardly
granted to lower class individuals. Then it clicked. I am not just preparing my
students here to attend American universities, but also preparing them for a
certain lifestyle of cocktail parties, overseas vacations, and expensive
foreign cars. I am pretty much prepping my students for a bougie lifestyle that
I intentionally disassociate from and I really do not feel very comfortable
with that.
I’m not saying that working at a public school in the inner
city didn’t have it’s uncomfortable job requirements. Take for instance, the
high stakes testing and the standardization of teaching methods, and simply,
the militarist sense of school safety and discipline. I did not feel
comfortable with being a part of a system that was undereducating students and
failing to address their many needs, most of them stemming from the poverty and
violence in their neighborhoods. At the same time, teachers are being
disempowered and blamed for this underacheivemnt. Yes, Newark Public Schools
has it flaws but at least I knew that within my own classroom I had a handful of
minds that I was really reaching. I wonder if I will reach these students in the
same way. Even more so, I wonder if I will be the one holding back or it will
be my students.
me some techniques and a few of my students and I bonded over agreeing that mini golf is so much more fun. We laughed at how terrible some students were and cheered those who were talented. My female students couldn’t stop laughing at how the instructor was hitting on me. The guy used them as a translator to say I was beatuful and asked if I like “chinese boys.” I laughed and said "I don’t know." My students simply translated it back as “no,” but I didn’t bother to correct him. The trip basically helped me remember how contrived the classroom environment can be. It serves a purpose but it is also quite unnatural. I hope I get more similar opportunities to get to know my students better in future. I'm still uncomfortable about my work here but at least I can try to build a strong bond with my students. They are just kids, after all.
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